In the Chapman household it was a ‘silent night’ and I’m not talking about the classic Christmas song!
Earlier in the day, Eb Scrooge and Mrs. Claus had tried to have Christmas with their children. But along with opening the gifts, we also “unwrapped” our opposing opinions about the Holiday. What could have been the most wonderful time of the year turned out to be a “bah humbug” event…again.
Huggin’ around the Christmas tree
James 4:1-3 isn’t typically used as part of the Christmas narrative. In our case, however, it was more appropriate than the Luke 2 story. Brother James asked, “What causes fights and quarrel among you?” He answered his own question by saying that we get angry because we don’t get our way. Simply stated, anger is what happens when “my way is the only way” fails to happen.
Gratefully, Steve and I have learned that having differing opinions is not necessarily a bad thing. We also realize that we can disagree without being disagreeable. In the “Christmas situation,” I wanted to overspend and overindulge our children with more gifts than they needed. Steve, on the other hand, thought the children already had enough toys and didn’t need anything else.
If I’d had my way, we would have been in debt from one January to the next. If Steve had his way our children would have written a scathing book about him entitled, “Daddy, Dearest.” The good news is, by compromising and learning to see the other’s opinion as valid, we learned to enjoy a wonderfully, debt-free, non-spoiled-children-Christmas with great memories.
As of this writing Steve and I have had the privilege of thirty-eight chances to celebrate Christmas together. As the years have gone by, we have done much better at achieving “peace on earth,” or at least, “peace in Tennessee.” We finally realized that our differences are really like spice in chili. Without it, chili would be bland and lacking taste. With spice, however, chili is an exciting dish…so is marriage!
How did this accomplishment happen? We decided to embrace each other’s idea of what Christmas is supposed to be. While it wasn’t easy, nor comfortable, we’re happy to report that our decision to do so really did work. It not only helped us get along much better during the Advent Season, our relationship has grown stronger since then.
The song, Incompatibility, highlights many of the differences we have recognized in our relationship yet have chosen to embrace. Perhaps some of the items on our lyrical list might sound familiar to you. If so, you’ll know you’re not alone in the challenge to get along as a couple… even with opposing views. Remember, chili is much better with spice!
Incompatibility
Him: I like a little mayo
Her: Mustard is my thing
Him: Make my bread as white as cotton
Her: I’ll have wheat with seven grains
Her: And a little candle glowing when we eat is what I like
Him: I need to see what I’m consuming, so please turn on the lights
Her: I go to bed before the news
Him: I’m still awake at two A.M.
Her: I’m up before the chickens
Him: If I can, I’m sleeping in
Him: I like wearing huntin’ clothes
Her: I like huntin’ clothes to wear
Her: I’ll always ask directions
Him: I’ll find my own way there
We’ve got incompatibility everywhere we turn
But still we stay together cause there’s a lesson we have learned
That if this man and woman were in every way the same
One of us would not be needed, and wouldn’t that be a shame
Her: I like a walk in the park
Him: And I would rather run
Him: How far can we go on empty
Her: I’ve never seen as fun
Him: I like talking to my buddy’s when we’re teeing off at ten
Her: My greens and conversation are a salad bar with friends
Her: My feet are like December
His: And mine are like July
Her: While I’m piling on the blankets
Him: I lay there and fry
Her: I married Ebenezer Scrooge
Him: I married Mrs. Claus
Her: While I’m watching Casablanca
Him: I’d rather be watching football
We’ve got incompatibility everywhere we turn
But still we stay together cause there’s a lesson we have learned
That if this man and woman were in every way the same
One of us would not be needed, and wouldn’t that be a shame
(“Incompatibility,” lyrics by Steve and Annie Chapman, Times and Seasons Music, BMI; available on the Love Was Spoken CD.)
Would you briefly share something you and your spouse do that helps to keep disagreements from turning into a disaster for your marriage?
Feel free to use the comment spot to share a prayer request for your marriage. Here’s a chance for you to share your need and allow others to join with you in prayer.
Blessings on you and yours!
Annie Chapman
Thank you so much for offering this much needed support for marriages. It means a lot to me that people like you are fighting in favor of godly marriages.
You are most welcome. It is obvious that the Kingdom of God is being attacked one family at a time. As we put our trust in the Lord and stand against the forces of evil through prayer, we will see God’s power.
Blessings on you and yours!
S&A